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literature by Zaneylang


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July 7, 2007
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((Press the paragraph button above this deviation. It makes it easier to read!))
To be totally fair, I will now state that Katashi did what Kaoru told him to for a few minutes. He quickly became bored, though, of watching things bubble and boil in pots. Curiosity took him over, and he began to wander about the expansive Momotani Manor. He told himself mentally that he wanted to see his future room mates, but in reality, he was in search of the bathroom. More specifically, he was in search of a naked Kaoru.
Though this is a little prejudice, I will also say that I think Katashi deserved this next part. Maybe the more merciful of you think otherwise, but you aren’t the authors of this story, therefore, your opinions don’t really matter. As curiosity began to devour the little common sense Katashi had to begin with, he began inching various doors open and peering inside. He had very little luck discovering anything interesting until he came across a very promising door. When Katashi stood next to this door, he could hear the merry spattering of a running shower. As his heart began pounding, Katashi gripped the door handle and ever-so-slowly began to turn it. Silently, he nudged the door open, his breaths ragged and heavy in his mouth.
There was no naked Kaoru.
There was no shower.
There wasn’t even a bathroom inside.
What was there was so unspeakable Katashi couldn’t even comprehend it for a moment.
Katashi found himself stammering—his eyes watering as if the image before him burned them.
Two men.
Two men in positions Katashi had learned in grade school that a man and a woman took together.
They continued flailing in their bendy, pretzel, gay love-making completely unaware of Katashi’s existence.
His shaking arm lifted and he found himself pointing at the two figures before him.
“G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-GAY!!” he stammered, his orange eyes as huge as saucers. At that moment, he heard a door behind him open. Though he had forgotten it by now, he was standing in a long hallway, with rooms on either side. Katashi, unfortunately, turned around. The poor soul would have been far better off if he hadn’t.
The strangest creature stood behind him.
It had Kaoru’s womanly face, her great, big chestnut-colored eyes. It had her red-blonde ringlets of hair, the ends curling on her delicate shoulders.
But the creature had a bare, man’s chest, and a towel tied around its waist. It had skinny arms, skinny bones, and girlish bones—on a man’s torso. For a long moment Katashi couldn’t understand what he was seeing. “WHAT?!” he cried, trying to fit what he saw with what he knew, but finding the two wouldn’t mesh. “YOU’RE A-A-A-A…”
Kaoru silently nodded.
Katashi felt faint.
The world went black.

“I can’t believe he fainted—what a GIRL!”
“Masu, don’t say that—it’s all my fault!”


Katashi could see blurred images before him. He began to make them out. There was Kaoru, at first; he felt a warm, fuzzy feeling. He then remembered Kaoru was a man. He felt sick. He wanted to throw up. A few others were standing over him. The details of each and every face became clear to him. Some he knew. Some he didn’t. He saw two huge breasts. He smiled.
“Oh good, you’re awake!” Kaoru exclaimed, clutching his hands to his chest and squirming with worry. Katashi saw tears at the corner of Kaoru’s big, brown eyes.
“You alright?” Manabu inquired, holding his hand out to Katashi once again. Katashi looked at it a moment and chose to get up on his own. The smile on Manabu’s face shown as brightly as ever. There was a small pause.
Kaoru wriggled nervously. “You want to eat, don’t you? The food is ready…”  Katashi could help feel that Kaoru was somewhat neurotic. As he floated over to the dinner table in a dazed state of numb trauma, he recognized one figure out of the seven wandering around the kitchen. One of the two bendy, pretzel, gay lovers. He shuddered, feeling the urge to throw-up though he hadn’t eaten all day. Just as he took a seat, another person rushed into the room. The figure was just a blur at first, zooming into the area, and then bouncing around like a child on a sugar high.
“WHERE’S THE NEW GUY? WHERE’S THE NEW GUY?” the super-ball of hyper-energy demanded excitedly. Katashi felt his stomach turn over: it was the other bendy, pretzel, gay lover. The green-haired, gay lover’s gleaming smile disappeared. “Oh,” he said, his features entirely flat once he caught sight of Katashi.
“I told you,” the first bendy, gay lover said, taking a big puff on the cigarette dangling between his long fingers. Katashi glared at him, feeling his loathing increase. He hated cigarettes.
“Yeah…well…it’s no matter, really,” the green-haired man replied, as his wicked grin returned. Katashi cringed under the leather-clad man’s ghoulish stare. He flinched when that man plopped into the seat next to him, and got so close that Katashi could almost taste the mouth wash on his breath.
“Hellooooo…..” the creepy man offered as a greeting, “I’m Masuuuu….” Masu wasted no time in gripping Katashi’s left leg, causing a feeling like a mean hot poker to burn through Katashi’s body. He jumped to his feet, causing his chair to shudder backward away from him. He stared at Masu with a mixture of horror, disgust, and fear. Quickly, he darted under the table and climbed into a chair next to the harmless Shouta. Katashi sighed with relief. Hot fear gripped at his heart once again when he turned to his right and found, to his horror, the other pretzel, gay lover sitting on the other side of him. However, unlike Masu, this man seemed far less concerned about Katashi’s presence. He ignored him all together and began serving himself. For some reason, this irritated Katashi.
“I didn’t know people like YOU lived here…” Katashi growled, bristling as he spooned himself some food. The blond-haired man beside him didn’t act as if he’d heard him. “Don’t even think of trying anything on me—I’m not gay, got that?” For an instant nothing happened, then suddenly, inducing Katashi to jump, the blond man’s jade eyes snapped onto him.
“Ugh. I knew what you were right when I laid eyes on you,” the man said, making a face of the utmost repulsion. Katashi was dumbfounded for a moment.
“You say it like I’M the one who’s the freak!” he cried, somewhat indignant.
“Your kind is just worthless,” the man mumbled, scarcely audible. Katashi then discovered that the two breasts he’d seen earlier belonged to a stoic-looking purple-haired woman. She seated herself across from him and drilled into his skull with her dull, joyless, gray eyes. “All straight men are just brainless pigs, slobbering over the latest piece of meat.”
“What?” Katashi murmured dumbly, his mind getting sucked into the cleavage presented before him.
“He just insulted you,” Manabu whispered, suddenly standing just behind him.
“WHAT?!” Katashi cried, jumping from his chair to his feet, though he wasn’t sure what he was mad about. After a long pause, as bewildered faces joined the table, Katashi decided to sit back down. “Look, just don’t grope me or anything.” The blond man beside him continued eating silently. Several long moments crawled by. Katashi huffed as he bit into the big wad of food on his fork viciously. “You’re just waiting for the moment I let my guard down—” he grumbled through the food in his mouth, “the moment I go to sleep—the moment you can make a woman of me!” Several people were listening in on the conversation now. They were all staring at him. The man beside him gazed at him with the most dead-pan expression Katashi had ever seen.
“I’m gay, not desperate.”
This rendered Katashi speechless for a very long time. Many of the other tenants at the table watched with slight interest for what he would say next. “Don’t try and deny it. You all have the hots for me. Kaoru over here can’t stop staring at me!” Either Kaoru hadn’t heard this comment, or pretended not to, as no one noticed any response from him. He did, however, seem extremely immersed in transferring soup from a pot to a bowl. The blond man took a sip from his tea and clicked his tongue thoughtfully.
“Just because Kaoru’s got a great, big man-crush on you, doesn’t mean we all have.”
CRASH!
The bowl Kaoru had been holding was then reduced to fragments on the floor. The brittle-looking man hid his face behind his hands, his red forehead staring out at all who had turned to look. A small whimper could be heard, muffled behind Kaoru’s fingers.
The blond man then put squished his cigarette into Katashi’s sticky rice. Katashi gawked, fuming, at it, but was unable to come up with any sort of retaliation.
“Let’s vote! Who has the sexiest ass?” Masu suddenly cried at the top of his lungs. Katashi’s eyes continued to burrow into the smoldering cigarette fizzing in his food. “I vote Katashi!” he chimed, stretching his arm, high into the air. The silence was long and pronounced. Kaoru’s eyes were fixed on his feet, his face beat red; Manabu looked to the ceiling, struggling not to laugh; and Shouta was immersed once again in his game boy world. Little beeps and buzzes from the game rang through the quiet. Katashi face-planted into his soup, and began to gurgle in his agony. He started screaming and flailing when the gay lover beside him held his head down in an attempt to drown him.

He had thought true hell existed in the back of a moving truck.
But he now knew hell existed in a place called Momotani Manor.
And he was in it.
Phew! Chapter one is done! Yay! I'm pretty tired now...it's kinda late... I hope you guys find this easy enough to understand. In Katashi's perspective, many of these characters are nameless...

I just realized that I submitted Part 2 under the "horror" category instead of the "humor" by mistake! Oops...


Part 1: [link]
Part 2: [link]
Part 3: [link]

Next chapter: [link]
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:iconhonexdrawscrap:
HonexDrawsCrap Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
THAT WAS AWESOME XD
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:iconsmilingcookie13:
smilingcookie13 Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2012
I think I just woke up my neighbors, and maybe some dead people living nearby..... That was the funniest thing ever XD
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:iconshinobi-kuroda:
Shinobi-Kuroda Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2009
This... is awesome.... seriously, I was laughing out loud the whole time... (my mom is giving strange looks as I type this) sooooo Funny. :lmao:
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:iconencrex:
Encrex Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2007   Writer
-reads it over again-
I love your writing xD it's freakin' hilarious. I can't wait on chapter two and the start of the manga on it~ fave xP

Masu is definitly my favorite. ^^
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:iconboyxboy-manga:
boyxboy-manga Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2007
THANKSH! :D
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:iconinsertnameshere:
InsertNamesHere Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2007
Masu. Is now. My best friend. :D
I love your writing! 'tis amazazing. Pleaseplease write more! This is a great story. I can't wait until Elaine posts the manga version.
~Jade
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:iconboyxboy-manga:
boyxboy-manga Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2007
I'm sorry that I haven't written in awhile! ^^; I recently finished a college course and I got back from a trip yesterday... Now that I'm not really doing anything, I should have a chance to write. I have a basic idea of the next misadventure, so I hopefully won't have too much trouble... (writer's block sometimes rears its ugly head--it's actually more like writer's anxiety...)
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:iconinsertnameshere:
InsertNamesHere Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2007
It's okay. I understand writer's block completely. I'm going through some right now. Don't feel too pressured. Good luck with the next chapter!
~Jade
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:iconkagomemiko247:
Kagomemiko247 Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2007
XD that was funny... really it was. ^^
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:iconboyxboy-manga:
boyxboy-manga Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2007
Thanks! Love your avatar, by the way. Bunnies + DDR = ^-^
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